I want to share with you three ways to build and maintain your self-confidence. As you know, there are many ways this can be accomplished, but I believe the best ways are to develop an intimate relationship with God, become self-aware, and set appropriate boundaries. As a Christian woman, you will face many challenges, so it is very important for you to remember from where your strength comes.

You will also experience many victories, and it is just as imperative for you to remember who makes this possible.

About Self-Confidence

There are so many opinions about what it means to be self-confident. I believe some opinions are correct, but other opinions are faulty at their foundation, and makes no sense at all. For instance, some well-meaning Christians believe that self-confidence is a sin because it is just an excuse for you to put yourself before God. This is far from the truth.

Believe me, internalizing this viewpoint can be very dangerous because it can lead to self -deprecating thoughts and behaviors, which can ultimately result in low self-esteem. Additionally, it is a set up for you to be taken advantage of or to be abused—sometimes by the very same people who are telling you self-confidence is a sin.

I absolutely believe it is possible to have self-confidence without putting yourself before God.

After all, didn’t God create you in His image?  (Gen. 2)

Didn’t He send His son to die on the cross for you? (John 3:16)

Didn’t He say through the Psalmist David, that you are fearfully and wonderfully made? (Ps. 139:14)

If the God of the universe places such value on you and loves you so much, why wouldn’t you be confident in who he has made you to be?

What does it mean to be self-confident?

The best definition of self-confidence, in my opinion, is this–self-assurance: trust in one’s abilities, capacities, and judgment, a belief that one is capable of successfully meeting the demands of a task. (APA Dictionary of Psychology).

To put it another way, self-confidence is the assurance you have in yourself that you can be successful. THIS is what it means to be self-confident.

It’s all about living a successful life because the success you experience is directly proportional to the confidence you have in yourself.

I want to caution you not to think that your definition of success applies to all Christian women. It doesn’t. Each of us has our own definition of success. How I define success may be starkly different from your definition.

Take a moment now, to write down your definition of success. Then reflect on how your self-confidence or lack thereof, has affected your success in life.

Common Characteristics of Confident Christian Women

Before we get into the three ways to build and maintain your self-confidence, let’s take a look at 13 characteristics of confident Christian women.

1. They don’t waste time trying to do the “right” things

Confident Christian women realize that they can’t consistently do “right” in their own power.  So, they don’t waste time trying to make themselves live a life of perfection. They understand that Christ has to do that for them (Philippians 4:13).

2. They don’t judge others.

Confident Christian women realize that judging people sets them up to be judged by others (Matthew 7:1-5). They also know that God is the only one qualified to judge anyone.

3. They don’t make others feel badly if they have done something wrong.

Confident Christian women know that they are not perfect.  Making someone else feel badly because they have done something wrong goes against what Christ teaches.  Christ always restores and does not condemn (John 8: 10, 11). He is their example.

4. They don’t doubt that God will take care of them.

Confident Christian women understand that God wants what is best for them. They don’t doubt that He will answer all their prayers but accepts that it may not always be the answer they are looking for (Matthew 7:7-11).

5. They don’t rehearse or relive their past mistakes.

Confident Christian women admit when they have done something wrong and quickly ask for forgiveness. They don’t relive or constantly rehearse their past wrongs because they believe in faith that God has forgiven and forgotten them.  Even when friends and family bring up their past, confident Christian women are not discouraged because they have trust in God’s promise of forgiveness (Micah 7:19).

6. They don’t put their needs before others.

Confident Christian women make a conscious choice to be self-sacrificial.  This doesn’t mean they are weak; they are actually very strong.  It takes great strength to sacrifice the things you want for the needs of others (Matthew 23:11,12).

7. They don’t give up on people.

They follow Christ’s example.  All throughout the gospels, there is evidence that Christ never gave up on anyone.  He constantly offered love and compassion to those who were shunned by society or put out of the church.  Confident Christian women follow Christ by not writing off anyone, no matter who they are (John 9:34-38).

8. They don’t look to other people as their ultimate example.

No one is perfect. We are all human and we make mistakes. People get disappointed everyday by their role models, children, parents, teachers, pastors, etc. Confident Christian women accept the fact that there is only One who is perfect–Christ, so He is their ultimate example (Hebrews 4:15).

9. They don’t expose other people’s failure.

Confident Christian women understand what it is to fail.  They also know how it feels when their own failures are exposed for everyone to see.  So, because of the love they have, they seek to help instead of revealing the failures of others (1 Peter 4:8).

10. They don’t talk negatively about others.

Confident Christian women find positive things to say about people. Speaking negatively about someone reveals what’s in the heart (Matthew 12:34).  A person who always has something negative to say about someone else has low self-esteem. Confident Christian women know how valuable people are to God, so they avoid negative talk (John 3:16).

11. They don’t hold grudges.

Holding grudges leads to discontent, insecurity and the loss of one’s power and freedom.  Confident Christian women forgive quickly because they believe in freedom in Christ and in the power of forgiveness (Matthew 6:14, 15).

12. They don’t guilt people into following Jesus.

Confident Christian women know that true love is never forced. So, making people feel guilty if they don’t accept Christ as their Lord and Savior, is contrary to how Jesus wants us to share the gospel. Confident Christian women show others that freely choosing to love Christ is the best way to have a relationship with Him (1 John 4:19).

13. They don’t believe church rules are more important than people.

Church doctrines are important, but they are never more important than people.  Christ made it clear when He defied the rules that neglected to show compassion or love for others. People always come first, not rules, and confident Christian women understand this (Mark 7:1-16).

So, how do you become the confident Christian woman that God wants you to be

How to Build and Maintain Self-Confidence

Here are 3 ways you can build and maintain your self-confidence.

Develop an intimate relationship with God, become self-aware (discover, understand and accept yourself) and last but not least set boundaries and maintain them.

Develop an Intimate Relationship with God

I believe this is the foundation for becoming self-confident, because it is in Him that we find our confidence.

But it isn’t going to be easy because it will take a concerted effort on your part to be consistent in spending time with God every day. At times you will feel like giving up or as if He is not listening to you. But I am going to ask you not to give up.

Start off by making a commitment, to yourself and to God, to remain consistent in spending the time to really get to know Him.

Next, set aside a specific time each morning to read the Bible, pray, and journal. Keep your appointment with God each morning and be persistent, even when you don’t feel like doing it. After a while it will become easier, and you will find yourself looking forward to meeting with Him each morning. 

Intimacy with God is paramount, because it is within this relationship that you really get to understand how valuable you are to Him.

During your times with Him, He will whisper softly in your ear and say, “Yes, I have loved you with an everlasting love; Therefore, with lovingkindness I have drawn you” (Jeremiah 31: 3 NKJV).

It is during these times that He will remind you of Philippians 4:13 – where it says, “I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me” (NKJV). Yes, this means you… You can do anything in His strength. So, why would you not have confidence in what you can do with God’s strength?

He will also remind you of Ephesians 3:20 which says, “Now to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us” (NKJV).

Listen, you have at your disposal, His strength and power, which will help you to accomplish His purpose for your life.

Become self-aware

Self-awareness is knowing who you really are. It involves homing in on your strengths and weakness and realizing your values and living by them. Self-awareness helps you shake off who people think you are or want you to be.

It helps you understand what makes you tick–what makes you sad and what brings you joy.

It also means accepting who you are and being cognizant about what you need to do to become a better person. Contrary to popular belief, accepting who you are does not mean that you should necessarily remain the way you are. Self-awareness has a way of leading us to becoming better than we were in the past.  So, it is instrumental in motivating you to grow into the person God wants you to be.

Additionally, developing a relationship with Him will lead you to a heighten level of self-awareness and help you praise God like the Psalmist David when he said, “ I praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well.” (Psalm 139:14)

Set appropriate boundaries

According to Drs Cloud and Townsend in their book Boundaries, “boundaries define what is me and not me”. In other words, it helps you clarify what you are responsible for, because as Cloud and Townsend point out, “we are responsible to others and for ourselves”

Setting up appropriate boundaries will help you take responsibility for yourself and allow everyone else to own their own thoughts and feelings. Understanding that you are not responsible for how someone feels or for the consequences they suffer as a result of their own actions gives you freedom.

Setting boundaries also guards against people taking advantage of you. It helps you to say no when it needs to be said and allows you to discontinue relationships that do not serve to make you a better person.

Boundaries can be very freeing, because you will no longer feel the need to do something because you feel sorry for someone or are afraid of what they may think of you when you don’t do what they say or want you to do.

In other words, setting boundaries allows you to do things on your own terms with God as your guide.

Conclusion

So, yes, it is God’s will for you to be a self-confident Christian woman, as long as your confidence is anchored in Him. As a result, your overall character won’t include arrogance or pride.  Instead, being grateful will be one of your main character traits because you will consistently give Him credit for everything you have accomplished, acknowledging that it is a result of His mercy, compassion, and strength, not because of your own actions.

This is the foundation on which all the blog posts will be written–the fact that you, Christian woman, God’s daughter, can accomplish anything you set your mind with Christ at the center of your life.